Jewish Singles: Finding True Love

The chances of finding your true love on line are almost as good as winning the lottery. Ask anyone that’s tried. Most won’t talk about it out of embarrassment. But if they do, you’d be shocked by their experiences. You’ll hear stories that sound crazy, stories that sound like they’re out of a movie, like they couldn’t really be true. But they are. You’ll hear of hours spent pouring through thousands of mind numbing on-line profiles. Or stories involving people showing up for “the date” that don’t look or act anything like the person on the profile. You’ll hear about the 20 year old photos and the loss of hair and teeth and the sudden appearance of 30 pounds. On-line dating is like a ticket to the twilight zone. So lets say you’re ready to throw caution to the wind and make a date to meet that potential someone special that you’ve met on-line. Both of you are enthusiastic, hopeful and ready to meet your match made in heaven. You both show up, you’re both well mannered, attractive, well spoken and well dressed. What happens? Nothing. No chemistry. Just disappointment and another wound to heal. Being single has never been more difficult. In reality finding your perfect match is not so easy. Some dating websites would lead you to believe that finding a mate can be accomplished through proven scientific or statistical means. The truth is matchmaking is not a science its an art, there is no logic to love.
Sara Malamud
www.worldofsingles.com

Jewish Singles: Just how “perfect”… is perfect?

Tall, dark, and… handsome? Would you be wiling to settle for just one out of three? Or are you like most of us out there whose “shopping list” gets longer and wider as we hopelessly scour the globe for our b’sheret?

When we think in terms of our ideal partner, our supposed perfect match, we tend to set the bar very high. In fact, we set it so high, that we don’t believe we’ll ever reach it. We set out with an image – a preconceived idea of that perfect “10″. We picture the handsome knight, the white horse, and the fair maiden in the tower. This scenario may work well on the big screen, but life as we know it, is messy. It’s filled with endless expectations, disappointments, and then – we get stuck.

So how do we define our perfect match? How do we really know just ‘what’ and ‘who’ we’re looking for? Why not start from the beginning? Start from who you know and what you know best. And ultimately, that’s YOU. Be brave and be honest – and make a list. Make a list of YOUR qualities, flaws, character traits, your highs and your lows. You’re honest, fun-loving, dependable, romantic, social, physically active, and spiritual. You’re head-strong, independent, stubborn, and you like to get what you want. Is this really you? After all, exactly how we perceive ourselves is the message we send out there. Now ask yourself: “Do I still expect to find someone who’s exactly like me in every conceivable way?”

Our search for short-term perfection is often… short-lived. What we thought we wanted in our 20s, is certainly not what we want (nor what we deserve!) in our 40s. We make attempts to find a soul mate that is most like, well… us. We assume that for every attribute we have, our partner must have, at the very least, the same. But for every flaw or shortcoming we readily admit to, we don’t dare hope to find it in someone else.

Be fair to yourself. Don’t set the bar too high. But don’t settle for second best either. Know that what you might consider to be your ideal match at the dinner table won’t necessarily be so ideal… after breakfast. Don’t think of who you would like to be with, but rather, what qualities you truly want. As we get a little older, and with any luck, a little wiser, we can and should be honest with ourselves. Don’t compromise on your integrity, but do trust your better judgment. Sharpen your negotiating skills and be prepared to negotiate and find that comfortable middle ground – where you can both laugh at yourselves and each other. After all, your ideal match can and will only be as perfect… as you are.

www.worldofsingles.com