Jewish Singles:Reading Between the Lines- Judging Your Date’s Level of Interest

Reading Between the Lines- Judging Your Date’s Level of Interest

Okay, so you’ve been dating for a while- well, at least a week or two, and it seems like your new squeeze is into you, but how can you know for sure? Easy, pay attention- not to what he/she is saying, but to what he/she is asking. That’s right. If someone is really into you, they want to know all about you and they want you to know that they want to know. So they ask questions and they show interest, and they really are interested in what you think and what’s going on in your life.

It’s true that they may not ask you deeply personal questions at the start (they don’t want to offend you or be too intrusive), but they will definitely ask you about your day, and what you do at work, and why you and your sister got into a fight on the telephone this morning. This is all part of the normal process of getting to know someone and determining just how compatible the two of you are.

A big red flag is when you notice that he/she is doing all the talking about their day- and never asking about yours. Or maybe every time you start to tell a story about yourself and your life, they quickly turn the conversation around so they are the topic again. If this is happening to you, don’t ignore the signs and tell yourself that “she just likes to talk” or “my stories are boring him”. Yes, there are people who are chatty and have a habit of dominating the conversation, but even chatty people understand that it’s not all about them. And if that chatty person is digging you, then they’ll make it a point to shut up and listen too.

And don’t be surprised if the relationship fizzles out pretty early, or if you end up getting dumped and wondering what happened because you thought “everything was going great!” Believe me; if your date isn’t showing much interest in your life, then everything is not going great. You’re either dealing with a serious egomaniac or just a selfish, immature person whose reason for being with you is not because they are planning anything long term.

Of course, you can’t force someone to be interested in you, nor should you try. It’s simply a good sign that you need to move on and find someone who is interested in a relationship with YOU.

Sara Malamud

www.worldofsingles.com

Jewish Singles:Goodbye Computer Dating = Hello Jewish Matchmaker

Jewish online dating has completely integrated itself into normalcy, and is no longer viewed upon with suspicion or relegated to “losers”. These days, if you’re Jewish and you’re single- odds are your photo and profile are posted on at least one of the many available sites. Question is- is it working? More and more Jewish singles are finding that it isn’t.

A growing problem with online dating is that members are using it just for that- dating. It’s a revolving door of singles with few of the members actually interested in getting married. Why should they be? With the numbers of potential partners to choose from, you can go out with someone different every night of the week. If you’re actually hoping to find your perfect match and marry, you’re going to have a tough time weeding through the playboys (and playgirls) to find sincerity.

Speaking of sincerity, have you noticed how much deceit is running through those profiles? It’s the perfect venue to re-invent yourself- with the emphasis on “invent”. Pick an age- any age, you don’t have to be honest about it- and many aren’t. And what about those photos? Have you met anyone for the first time that actually looks like the photo they posted? If so, consider yourself lucky. And if they look better than their photo- consider yourself blessed. It doesn’t happen often. Many times, the photo was taken a number of years before. I’ve seen high school graduation photos posted for men in their 50’s. How does it happen that they’ve got a digital photo from high school but can’t seem to find anything recent?

For those who are truly serious about finding someone with whom they want to spend the rest of their life, online dating just isn’t fitting the bill. Many of my clients come to me completely burnt out on the internet scene and ready to set serious and get busy with finding their soul mate. It’s a serious business- one of the most important decisions of your life- and it should be approached seriously. My service isn’t a dating service, it’s a marriage service. I propose one match at a time and until you decide “yay” or “nay” on that match, I don’t send another. It is important to keep an open mind and be willing to at least speak to a potential match on the phone before you completely disregard him/her based on a short profile and photo- but the process does continue through the course of your contract and the intent is to find your lifelong partner.

Fun and games? You can definitely find that online. A partner with whom to share the ups and downs of life and love and to stand by your side through thick and thin? Ahhhh, that requires more than a revolving monthly fee and a cute moniker, it requires focus and sincerity- and in the case of Jewish matchmaking- an insightful shadchanite whose joy comes from matching two souls who might have found each other without her help.

Sara Malamud

www.worldofsingles.com