Jewish singles:Too Much Too Soon?

Jewish Dating Tips

Have you ever met someone with whom you really hit it off, only to have them come on so strong after your first meeting that you lost that feeling of attraction for them almost as quickly as you’d found it? Or maybe you’ve been the one who felt so immediately connected to someone that you scared them off with too much togetherness too soon? Even if you are hunting down your dates by utilizing Jewish online dating services or a personalized Jewish matchmaker, you should keep in mind that everyone (and i mean EVERYONE) likes a little bit of a chase at the beginning of a relationship- a little bit of uncertainty about how the other person feels about you- a little bit of missing that person- a little bit of evaluating your last conversation and weighing the silence between your next one and trying to figure out if he/she really likes you. Now I’m not talking about playing games, no one likes that. But you should understand that a little bit of angst and uncertainly and wondering when you’re going to see each other again can be good for a relationship. There’s an unspoken protocol during the first few weeks of Jewish dating that consists of a fine line between playing hard-to-get (which is old) and being desperate (which is scary). It’s courtesy to call your date the next day to say you had a great time and you’d like to go out again, but make your second date for at least a few days later and don’t call in between. Just let the days pass with both of you thinking about each other and anticipating your next moments together. After the second date, you should feel a bit more relaxed and able to call once or twice before you meet again, but don’t make it a daily habit and don’t try to schedule time together on a daily basis. That type of behavior should wait until the two of you have really decided that what you feel for each other has the potential to grow into something serious. I almost guarantee that if you start phoning every day and/or trying to plan time together every day right from the beginning, you will soon find yourself back on your own. I’ve seen it happen too many times- two people really hit it off and then one of them goes into overkill and completely squelches whatever feelings of attraction they sparked in the other.

If all this is hitting close to home and you find a pattern in your own life of meeting great potential mates, but following it up by coming on too strong, just take a step back and understand how your behavior may be chasing someone away. Relax. If you know that someone is into you, feel confident enough in that knowledge to allow them a little breathing room. Enjoy those priceless emotions that ignite when two people really have chemistry, and let the sparks grow into a long-lasting fire. Whatever you do, don’t smother the flames with too much, too soon.

Jewish Singles: Self-Sabotage, are you a victim?

The Jewish dating scene has been through many changes over the past five years, and the proliferation of self-service Jewish internet sites and individualized Jewish matchmaker services confirms this. But if everyone is searching for their soul mate, why are so few people actually finding that someone special? To determine if you are helping or hurting your chances of success ask yourself these questions:

(1) Does my list of required attributes focus on physical and material characteristics?
(2) Am I being unrealistic in my age specifications?
(3) Am I basing most of my decisions strictly on what the photo looks like?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you’re probably doing more harm than good in your search for a life partner. One way to test this theory is to think about your past relationships and ask yourself “If my first encounter with my ex had been a brief profile and a couple of photos, would I have agreed to meet him/her?” Odds are that you’ve had meaningful, deep relationships with people whom you never would have dated if you’d only seen a photo of them, but meeting them in person provides a 3D aspect of their personality, appearance, and essence, that you will never get in a photograph.

If you are serious about finding your soul mate, then you need to toss out all your requirements of age, height, salary, looks, and education, and focus on the qualities that are actually going to prove meaningful in your life with this person. Is he/she honest? Is he/she kind to others when not expecting something in return? Does he/she have the ability and desire to compromise on issues where the two of you might not agree? Do you feel comfortable around this person? Do you share the same values and lifetime goals? These are the attributes upon which you should concentrate, and once you’re focused on the important qualities, you’ll more easily spot them in others and ultimately in the one special person with whom you can also share a physical attraction.

Of course, determining if a person has these characteristics is impossible simply by reading a Jewish dating profile; you need to meet! So if you truly want to be successful at finding your perfect mate, you need to keep an open mind. If someone has taken the time to contact you (or if a Jewish matchmaker has determined that one of her clients might be a good match), be flexible enough to at least meet the person for a cup of coffee and see what they are like in flesh-and-blood form. Nothing is lost by showing the courtesy and flexibility to meet someone with whom you may actually end up connecting with, and everything is gained.
Remember, don’t put yourself so high up on a pedestal that you end up there all alone.